i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and she was petting her beer can
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
