Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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