You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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