after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I deserve this hangover.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
