so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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