Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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