It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
