I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
