im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
