i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
