Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
