I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
