dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
