please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
