Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
