You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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