I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
