I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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