He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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