it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
