3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
