So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
