we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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