I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize