atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
