so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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