so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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