We're like a lot better than the average bears
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think i have two assholes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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