Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
