Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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