I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you had me at cake vodka
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
