I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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