she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
