in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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