One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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