There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
