i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
