just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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