But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
