I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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