You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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