i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
