So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
