fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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