News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
