I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So much rum. So many feels.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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