Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
