Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
