my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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