I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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