That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
