Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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