I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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