booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
