I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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