THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
