I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The air was thick with penises
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
