the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
