You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
