yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
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i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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