There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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