STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
