she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
