I cannot find my penis.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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